No West, by Jim Meyer

Many years ago, while the west was still being settled, an enterprising young man by the name of Nathaniel Weedwamper realized that all the aspiring frontierspeople offered him the opportunity for a healthy profit. He promptly purchased a number of covered wagons and horses and established "Western Ho," a sort of rent-a-caravan to the unsettled territories. All went well at first, as only the most hale and sturdy individuals would dare risk the perilous journey.

But as time went by, the trip became easier, and more and more people previously thought to be unfit for the journey signed up. A good many of these folks had been partaking of the culinary pleasures of the east, moreso than they had been partaking of the many opportunities for exercise, and their combined girth began to take its toll upon Nathaniel's equipment.

After two successful years, it seemed that only the most corpulent of citizens were signing up for the journey, and Nathaniel found himself spending more to replace worn-out seats and springs, as well as overworked horses, than he was making. He tried to limit the number of passengers, but found that even a solitary (but well-fed) passenger of sufficient girth could tax his wagons.

After many months of thought, the solution finally came to Nathaniel. He found some wood, paint, and a brush, and went to work. The very next day, those who came to sign up for a trip to California were confronted by this sign: "There's no West for the Reary."

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