Ask Dr. Cyberlove!

Tired? Listless? Feeling Blue?

We here at Ask Dr.Cyberlove are dedicated to finding an answer to every problem, whether it's the right answer to the wrong problem or the wrong answer to the right problem, or even an incoherent answer to an unrelated problem. No question is too hard, and no answer is too easy; no problem is too small, and no fee is too large. Here are some of the questions we've been asked (and answered) recently:

Dr. CyberLove, my girlfriend just sent me e-mail telling me that she never wants to see me again. Do I have to return all the GIFs she gave me?

No. But you should return any java she may have shared with you.

Dear Doctor CyberLove, I have been in Adult chatrooms in Yahoo and people have asked me "do you wanna have cybersex." I don't know what to do during CyberSex. Can you give me some advice, 'cause I'm interested in it.

A Dr. Cyberlove thinks the answer is in the very meaning of the word. The root of Cyber is the Greek word Kybern, which means "to steer." A Kybernet is a helmsman, or one who steers. The meaning of sex, of course, is universally known. So CyberSex is, literally, the act of having sex with a steering wheel. Somehow, unless the steering wheel is of unusual design, this does not seem like much fun. If you're wondering about my name, it is best translated as "The Helmsman of Love."

Q Dear sir/Madam -- In order to transfer out (USD 12.6 M) Twelve million Six Hundred United States Dollars) from African Development Bank. I have the courage to ask you to look for a reliable and honest person who will be capable for this important business believing that you will never let me down either now or in future.

I am Dr. Nicholas Ted, the Chief Auditor of African Development Bank(ADB). There is an account opened in this bank in 1998 and since nobody has operated on this account again.

I am pleased to learn that you are interested in embezzling funds from the African Development Bank. Naturally, I would not hesitate to trust someone who has contacted me via e-mail to express his or her interest in violating national and international law. Unfortunately, I must transact a bit of business first with one of the bridges I own -- a bridge in Brooklyn. As soon as the sale of that bridge is complete, I will contact you.

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