Ask Dr. Cyberlove!

Tired? Listless? Feeling Blue?

We here at Ask Dr.Cyberlove are dedicated to finding an answer to every problem, whether it's the right answer to the wrong problem or the wrong answer to the right problem, or even an incoherent answer to an unrelated problem. No question is too hard, and no answer is too easy; no problem is too small, and no fee is too large. Here are some of the questions we've been asked (and answered) recently:

Dr. CyberLove, my girlfriend just sent me e-mail telling me that she never wants to see me again. Do I have to return all the GIFs she gave me?

No. But you should return any java she may have shared with you.

Dear Doctor CyberLove, I have been in Adult chatrooms in Yahoo and people have asked me "do you wanna have cybersex." I don't know what to do during CyberSex. Can you give me some advice, 'cause I'm interested in it.

A Dr. Cyberlove thinks the answer is in the very meaning of the word. The root of Cyber is the Greek word Kybern, which means "to steer." A Kybernet is a helmsman, or one who steers. The meaning of sex, of course, is universally known. So CyberSex is, literally, the act of having sex with a steering wheel. Somehow, unless the steering wheel is of unusual design, this does not seem like much fun. If you're wondering about my name, it is best translated as "The Helmsman of Love."

Dear Dr. Cyberlove -- Some friends of mine and I were discussing a problem and I thought I'd get your take on it. We know of a guy who keeps buying stuff from spammers - lots of stuff. We think he is just encouraging them and creating a living hell for the rest of us. Does this fall under the "he needed killing" umbrella or do we have to settle for an anonymous "Tonya Harding" love tap? Help us out - he's enlarged everything and it's getting scary.

The good doctor would have replied to your question sooner, but he availed himself of some of those spammer products and was unable to get close enough to the keyboard to type anything.

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